
Spare Videos Blog
Photo taken by me: my favourite spot in my favourite woodland!
Note: this website is still under construction, so expect an unusual, unrefined layout.
The Less Than Jolly Heretic

A polymathic true-life account dwelling on the devastating dual impact of long-term parental emotional abuse and a fraught domestic environment in the aftermath of a terrifying criminal allegation, the ravages of the British mental health system, the soft totalitarianism of modern Britain, and the long fall of European civilisation.
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The main autobiographical account is threaded through a complex narrative of intertwining topics and ideas, stuffed with contemporary researches, social observations, and historical analyses, and all serving as a critique of psychiatry, artificial 'intelligence', postmodernism and egalitarianism, deterministic materialism, and historical Christianity, and promoting a healthier understanding of our conscious minds and of our godly place in Nature's deep physical cosmology.
Benjamin argues that it is only by abandoning as he has the subconscious moral inversions imprinted by centuries of Christian influence in the West, passed from parents to children down untold generations (and now increasingly metastasising as a secularised hyperchristianity evident in all liberal and leftist progressivism, and all artificially equalising thought, whether 'left' or 'right'), that those of us who should do so and are able can finally awake to fulfil our true and sacred potential as physical European bodies; intact racial souls.
Audio Highlights from My Book

Not for sale. Occasionally shared with friends.
Miscellaneous Audio Diaries

A sonnet, inspiration for which came from reading Thomas Goodrich's Hellstorm and Summer, 1945, Other Losses by James Bacque, Gold in the Furnace by Savitri Devi, and a host of other graphic accounts of this tragic and avoidable war of ending.

Tomorrow it Rained
A highly personal poem on great loss and seemingly unavoidable fatalism that I originally penned in early 2022. The ease with which a secure world can be totally shattered is terrifying to comprehend.
If this website isn't academic enough for you, try my other one here.
Bonus Recordings:
Note: These 'rough and ready' videos are not *quite* finished, so expect a few subtitles proofreading anomalies and occasional vid downtime whilst I correct them.
Schism, Vol. 2: A Letter to a Friend
My candid reflections on the historical poor conduct of the 'Anglo' nations in the Second World War, speaking as a British citizen of Norman-Irish descent, from an ancestral family that is (among so many others) certainly not blameless in all of this. I don't hate myself. I certainly hate my country though, along with anyone who cannot, for whatever reason of personal pride or misplaced patriotism, come to terms with the atrocities the citizens of this island (and America) inflicted on their German cousins. Unforgivable acts of brutality never apologised for, and all but forgotten today. I have provided a moderate introductory reading list below, if one is genuinely soulful enough, and humble enough, to pursue this matter in proper academic fashion, as an impartial historian (for as long as one can humanly remain so), to a grim, only conclusion: it could easily have been us in the dock at Nuremberg.
* Gruesome Harvest: The Costly Attempt to Exterminate the People of Germany – Ralph Franklin Keeling
* The Russians in Germany: A History of the Soviet Zone of Occupation 1945-1949 – Norman M. Naimark
* Allied Internment Camps in Occupied Germany: Extrajudicial Detention in the Name of Denazification, 1945-1950 – Andrew H. Beattie
* The High Cost of Vengeance - Freda Utley
* Advance to Barbarism: The Development of Total Warfare from Sarajevo to Hiroshima – F. J. P. Veale
* Crimes Discreetly Veiled – F. J. P. Veale
* The Development of Germanophobia - Michael F. Connors
* The Morgenthau Plan 1944-1945 - David Irving
* Nuremberg, The Last Battle - David Irving
* Apocalypse 1945, The Destruction of Dresden - David Irving
* The Wolf Children of the Eastern Front: Alone and Forgotten – Sonja Winterberg
* The Gulag in East Germany: Soviet Special Camps 1945-1950 – Ulrich Merten
* The Devil’s Handiwork: A Victims’ View of ‘Allied’ War Crimes – John R. Tiffany
* A Terrible Revenge: The Ethnic Cleansing of the East European Germans – Alfred Maurice de Zayas
* The Wehrmacht War Crimes Bureau, 1939-1945 – Alfred Maurice de Zayas
* Nemesis at Potsdam: The Expulsion of the Germans from the East – Alfred Maurice de Zayas
* Orderly and Humane: The Expulsion of the Germans after the Second World War – R. M. Douglas
* After the Reich: The Brutal History of Allied Occupation - Giles MacDonagh
* Crimes Unspoken: the Rape of German Women at the End of the Second World War – Miriam Gebhardt
* Bleeding Germany Dry: The Aftermath of World War II from the German Perspective – Claus Nordbruch
* The Hunger Year: In the French Zone of Divided Germany 1946-1947 – Joel Carl Welty
* The Other Price of Hitler’s War: German Military and Civilian Losses Resulting from World War II – Martin K. Sorge
* Other Losses – James Bacque
* Crimes and Mercies: The Fate of German Civilians Under Allied Occupation 1944-1950 – James Bacque
* Hellstorm: The Death of Nazi Germany, 1944-1947 – Thomas Goodrich
* Summer, 1945 – Thomas Goodrich
* An Eye for An Eye: The Untold Story of Jewish Revenge Against Germans in 1945 – John Sack
* Inferno: The Devastation of Hamburg 1943 – Keith Lowe
* The Fire: The Bombing of Germany 1940-1945 – Jörg Friedrich
Global Collapse (TLTJH Chapter 10 segments)
My best overview account (by 2024) of the terrible reality that we will, in the not too distant future - I would heartily suspect it to be fully manifested within 10 years easily, if not 5, and continuing to deeper from then on, for the rest of the century - face an existential global economic collapse and energy devolution that will decimate the Western hemisphere. I certainly don't expect many people, outside of economics (and War Studies departments) have really clicked as to the scope of this incoming - irreversible - disaster situation. It would be very easy to dismiss me outright, or to bury one's head in the sand, and I think, ultimately, many well (even when it is too late to be doing so). The research results have mounted though, pan-spectrum, and it is not impossible to notice the early stages, even now, or indeed to refer to the great body of multidisciplinary hard print evidence backing me up, as well as the more speculative - yet not unrealistic! - reports and analyses that highlight what we may, with very little choice indeed (or none at all) be required to do as a society; as a collective, if we are to even hope to survive this inconceivably grim and brutal Dark Age. It's not a happy thing to know. It's a necessary reality to come to terms with, however. I hope we - as many of us as are actually able to - can prepare in time.
Criticising the Right-Wing
A cathartic, autobiographical testament that I feel needed airing at some point. It's odd but true - I don't get on with the right-wing. That extends all the way up through Conservatives and race realist white nationalists, to neo-Nazis, and indeed most 'National Socialists' I have thus far encountered. I can clearly state why also: they let me down, all too regularly.
This is really just a tiny, pithy segment of my extensive journal-keeping on this topic (and I am not the only one who thinks this way). Just to clarify, I'm not in any sense a liberal or a leftist either, much as I'm sure many white nationalists I've fallen out with would just love to shoehorn me into that latter bracket, to save them having to address themselves, even before their arguments are dismantled.
You'd have to view my other website to get the gist of just how much genuine scientific (and otherwise academic) material the standard orthodox 'neo-normies' of the right-wing have ignored in their hasty groupthink and turned a blind eye to on principle, with great arrogance and unscholarly disinterest. Compelling material that, evaluated properly in isolation (and by Occam's Razor), turns almost their entire adult science output on its head and exposes them as frauds, much as it also goes further than this, and undoes their own grim theories' multiple telling errors irrespective of presenting an alternative paradigm.
As for "Prof." Dutton, here's something I wrote pretty recently, just another overview (and I very much resent that circumstances rendered me thoroughly unable to put this to him at the time, instead spraying out a stream of such vehement literal nonsense (i.e. word salad - not that even this latter phenomenon is strictly uninterpretable linguistically if we refer to Silvano Arieti's output) that one really could imagine him using it to cement his own dogged long-term research, much as I don't think he could quite so easily get away with that these days - if he even remembers our frustrating little exchange at all):
"...I emailed him [over a few days] once in a total state (psychotic with grief and shame in the background), and regret that I couldn’t convey my disgust that Christmas evening at his lazy confirmation biases and sheer lack of rigor sensibly (a real one for ‘rearranging their [Conservative] prejudices’). He’s more like an indolent school boy new to hearing of ‘hard science’, but deciding demagoguery is slightly more lucrative, especially on the ego, having roped in a fresh new congregation of all the usual ignorant morons who fall for the right cheap and nasty key phrases and faulty concepts necessary to back him up in a symbiotic (and yet ultimately parasitic) cult relationship. He’s so crap at what he does (bar the vaudeville Oxbridge theatrics) that at times I simply couldn’t conceive of him as being anything other than a subversive ‘bad actor’, much as, oddly, I know he’s not.
Rather than a supreme reliance on and capitulation to random mutation (which, after all, isn’t too common), I wish more emphasis was placed on original Mendelian genetics with regard to [hybridisation] and ancestral miscegenation. That’s a side point to the above though. ‘Archaeogenetics’ has always failed to convince me. Phenotypes display genotypes anyway, in a more natural presentation that digging out the DNA tools at all.
[Also] I think for science to be truly impartial we must get over the hang-up of worrying if what we think is ‘leftist’, as if anything the leftists have simply co-opted an arbitrary academic position (at times – I mean, obviously some things are legitimately [politically] lefty) which may be correct regardless, and thus just unfortunate that it’s them who try to claim it as their own. Another reason I wish Dutton has not got to the average right, as he’s set them back with his brainwashing by at least a generation in my estimation, and worked very successfully at closing their minds. I personally think it’s impossible to reverse that on the whole now."
The Godly Universe (TLTJH Chapter 6 segments)
I think this speaks for itself. One can at least get the gist (and I'm the first to admit, I don't understand everything, certainly not to full depth!). I notice a number of transcription errors in the subtitles which I will correct. I'll be improving this chapter with more detail, and a few clearer examples (with more relevant mathematics present also - I'm currently still studying what I need) for a future edition of this book, but I think I'm just about happy with this as it is currently. In a nutshell it's a (monistic) physicalist's biological approach to a panentheist cosmology, following on from my previous chapter's broad introduction to postmodern consciousness studies. Two-thousand years of ingrained Christianity has impeded everything when it comes to assessing this topic, and we are in desperate need of a suitable qualitative vocabulary, some new science.
Orchids in Amber (early draft article)
A very basic draft article (prefaced by one of my relevant poems) reviewing in overview various contemporary approaches to infinite universes and cyclical cosmology, with an afterthought hypothesis of my own for explaining the function and potential role of (our) evolving consciousness within this grand unified system.
I have many corrections and amendments to make to this layman's account. For one, I should have made mention of at what scale of reference, and under what theoretical biology framework I was utilising the term 'Evolution', which, after all, is usually considered reliant on sexual reproduction, but I will return to this later as I gather the time and energy to flesh this out.
For the moment, though I did not include direct footnotes in the 'vlog' recording above for reasons of visual clarity, I can at least supply interested readers with a partial list of my unlinked references, in case they would like to refer to (or refresh themselves on) a portion of the materials that inspired me in my writing. I will be adding more for clarity as the project progresses.
I'm also aware that I mispronounced 'amor fati', so sorry about that.
* Michael R. Collings, Gemlore: An Introduction to Precious and Semi-Precious Stones, 2009, p. 20.
* Pliny, Natural History, Book 37, Translated by D.E.Eichholz (1962).
* C. Scott Littleton (1973). The New Comparative Mythology: An Anthropological Assessment of the Theories of Georges Dumézil. University of California Press. p. 34.
* Bondi, Hermann; Gold, Thomas (1948). "The Steady-State Theory of the Expanding Universe". Monthly Notices of the Royal Astronomical Society. 108 (3): 252.
* Hoyle, F.; Burbidge, G.; Narlikar, J. V. (1993). "A quasi-steady state cosmological model with creation of matter". The Astrophysical Journal. 410: 437–457.
* Coles, P. "Inflationary Universe". NED. NASA/IPAC Extragalactic Database.
* Weinberg, Steven (1972). Gravitation and Cosmology. John Whitney & Sons. pp. 463–464.
* Joyce, Austin; Lombriser, Lucas; Schmidt, Fabian (2016). "Dark Energy vs. Modified Gravity". Annual Review of Nuclear and Particle Science. 66 (1): 95.
* Tsujikawa, Shinji (2007). "Matter density perturbations and effective gravitational constant in modified gravity models of dark energy". Physical Review D. 76 (2): 023514.
* E. P. Wigner, Proc. Am. Philos. Soc. 93, 521 (1949); Proc. Natl.Ac'ad. Sci. (U. S.) 38, 449 (1952)
* Bajc, Borut; Hisano, Junji; Kuwahara, Takumi; Omura, Yuji (2016). "Threshold corrections to dimension-six proton decay operators in non-minimal SUSY SU(5) GUTs". Nuclear Physics B. 910: 1.
* Nietzsche, Friedrich (1911). Ecce Homo. Translated by Anthony M. Ludovici. Macmillan. p. 96.
* Nietzsche, Friedrich (1967) [1908]. "Ecce Homo". Basic Writings of Nietzsche. Translated by Kaufmann, Walter. p. 714.
* Prigogine, Ilya; Stengers, Isabelle (1997). The End of Certainty. The Free Press; Prigogine I, (papers and interviews) Is future given?, World Scientific, 2003; de Koninck, Charles (2008). "The philosophy of Sir Arthur Eddington and The problem of indeterminism". The Writings of Charles de Koninck. Notre Dame, Ind.: University of Notre Dame Press.
* Maturana, H. R.; Varela, F. J. (1991-08-31). Autopoiesis and Cognition: The Realization of the Living. Springer Science & Business Media.
* Hameroff, Stuart; Penrose, Roger (2014). "Reply to seven commentaries on "Consciousness in the universe: Review of the 'Orch OR' theory"". Physics of Life Reviews. 11 (1): 94–100.
* Hay, David Ramsay, First Principles of Symmetrical Beauty, Blackwood (1846); Hay, David Ramsay, The Natural Principle of Beauty, as developed in the Human Figure, Blackwood (1852); Mainzer, K. (1996). Symmetries of Nature: A Handbook for Philosophy of Nature and Science. de Gruyter.
* Schombert, James. "Anthropic principle". Department of Physics at University of Oregon.
* Pais, A. (1967). "Symmetries and Reflections. Scientific Essays. Eugene P. Wigner. Indiana University Press, Bloomington, 1967. 288 pp., illus". Science. 157 (3791): 911.
* Pokrovskii, Vladimir (2020). Thermodynamics of Complex Systems: Principles and applications. IOP Publishing, Bristol, UK.
* Craddock, Travis J. A.; St. George, Marc; Freedman, Holly; Barakat, Khaled H.; Damaraju, Sambasivarao; Hameroff, Stuart; Tuszynski, Jack A. (25 June 2012). "Computational Predictions of Volatile Anesthetic Interactions with the Microtubule Cytoskeleton: Implications for Side Effects of General Anesthesia". PLOS ONE. 7 (6): e37251.
* England, Jeremy L. (4 November 2015). "Dissipative adaptation in driven self-assembly". Nature Nanotechnology. 10 (11): 919–923.
* Gutzwiller, Martin C. (1990). Chaos in Classical and Quantum Mechanics. New York: Springer-Verlag.
* Penrose, Roger (2004). The road to reality: a complete guide to the laws of the universe. London: Jonathan Cape. pp. 686–734.
* Driesch, H. (1908). The Science and Philosophy of the Organism: The Gifford Lectures delivered before the University of Aberdeen in the Year 1907 and 1908 (2 vols.). London: Adam and Charles Black; Driesch, H. (1914). The History and Theory of Vitalism. (C. K. Ogden, trans.) London: Macmillan.
* Weinberg, Steven (2011-02-10). "The Universes We Still Don't Know". The New York Review of Books. Vol. 58, no. 2.
* H. Packard, Norman (1988). "Adaptation Toward the Edge of Chaos". University of Illinois at UrbanaChampaign, Center for Complex Systems Research.
*Müller, Gerd B.; Newman, Stuart A., eds. (2003). Origination of Organismal Form. Bradford; Longo, Giuseppe; Montévil, Maël (2012-01- 01). "Randomness Increases Order in Biological Evolution". In Dinneen, Michael J.; Khoussainov, Bakhadyr; Nies, André (eds.). Computation, Physics and Beyond. Lecture Notes in Computer Science. Vol. 7160. Springer Berlin Heidelberg. pp. 289–308; Quastler, H. (1964) The Emergence of Biological Organization. Yale University Press.
*Campbell, Joseph F. (2009). "Psychohistory: Creating a New Discipline". Journal of Psychohistory. 37 (1): 2–26; The evolution of psyche and society – deMause's explanatory chapter of The Emotional Life of Nations.
Blighted Education (TLTJH Chapter 11 segments)
A short set of segments drawn from a much longer chapter, and one which I think ties nicely into the essay segment displayed below in the next video, approaching from a more 'hands off' intellectual angle. I was interested in what the local school (and British schools in general) felt comfortable educating 'their' children over, and where their priorities lay. Theirs is a very narrow window of concerns.
The rest of the chapter delves into the gory aftermath of the Second World War, from the perspective of the German civilians and captured POWs, a period of terror beginning in 1945 that is never taught about in any official academic setting - at any age - and one which remains unknown to most everyday adults, despite much time being (rightly) devoted to educating the next generations from around Year 9 and onwards on the tragic events of The Holocaust, and in quite some grisly detail (according to the syllabuses and coursework I've scanned), a truth of modern education that does not exactly surprise me, but which still leaves me somewhat quizzical, and in disappointment, given that this effective lie by omission exonerates a great many people of their guilt regarding the total systemic dismemberment of Germany, surely an - unspoken - war crime of quite similar proportions, albeit remaining unanswered (much to the detriment of their many millions of victims), rather than simply highlighting their role in addressing the widespread destruction of the Jewish people in Europe.
There is much historical blood on Allied hands. It's a shame the children don't usually get an opportunity to know this, as it has been said, without being learned from (in entirety), history is doomed to repeat itself. I think the State teachers shoot themselves in the foot in this regard, much as yes, they do intellectually - and emotionally - retard their charges also, surely a greater failure in the long run.
Animal Suffering (essay segment)
As I wrote to my fellow Nordicist (and indeed, in his case, pure Nordic phenotype) friend by email recently, pleased by his vegetarianism:
"The 'ultimate hate crime' is of course my own, in the eyes of the cruel white nationalists, having committed the cardinal sin of genuinely caring about the lives of other animals, as opposed to whatever superficial sub-racial supremacism they would like to indulge themselves in, kidding no one [but themselves] of sincerity. The one glaring mistake I can see in it is that meat [despite an acceptable taste] is not so good for us, as I had claimed it was, but I wrote it like that from a devil's advocate position, knowing they'd be able to pull out a myriad self-serving scientific papers to 'disprove' me, and me instead wanting to argue from an angle that - though not aesthetics strictly - is at least closer to the passionate feeling one gets in Art appreciation when Beauty moves a person, than in frigid lab-coat reductionism, much as genuine science is also interesting."
My Animal Suffering essay in recorded in a Text-to-Speech 'vlog'. I'll transcribe it again to text properly soon, but I've unfortunately lost the original essay (due to the loss of a vital computer), so this is so far, my only up to date copy. The finished essay has 5 other segments to it, on other topics, of which this is only the conclusion. I believe one of my old diaries has a work-in-progress of it. I'll have a look later.
Small Scale Socialism (TLTJH Chapter 9)
Another short, idealistic chapter from The Less Than Jolly Heretic in which I talk about my disillusionment with the modern world's (postmodern, consumer-based) technological paradigm, and my pipedreams over dismantling the money/currency/credit system in favour of a small scale return to semi-Agrarian autonomous values; a mini decentralised 'ethnostate' tailored to the needs and skill-sets of the only people worth preserving, and a potential (if unlikely) solution to the exponential economic/energy collapse of the Western world. Ideally this subtle, 100% independent community would function in parallel to the rest of society, up until the point that a true government reclaimed power in this country (probably by force).
What I did not cover in this brief, if detailed, overview brainstorm was how to advertise this 'project' to the citizens of the UK at all, and how then to select from that piqued interest group, from where, with what logical understanding of geography and demographic placements, and on what criteria, surely a major stumbling block to the initial success of this complicated plan (especially given the number of people involved); one that really would require committed and selfless dedication on the part of its pioneers in order to get off the ground at all, a notion perhaps at odds with 21st Century human nature itself. I had a few more 'solution' ideas to these further problems, but I've shelved them for the moment.
I share this publicly just as a springboard for others to consider the basic theoretical methodology, as a hypothetical alone, and then, if they should wish, to refine and improve it with their own ideas, and maybe even attempt to put this augmented vision into practice, in whatever way.
Most of me thinks I waited too long in releasing ideas like these and that it remains no more than a cathartic 'what if', a flawed, over-optimistic example of how to think about these issues in the abstract more than any real attempt to pragmatically address them.
Eternal Mission (BFTS audio demo)
Lesson One (BFTS video demo)
I lost interest in my experimental 'one man band' solo project, Bleach For The Stars, some way through January 2023, having been composing with it for over 15 years on and off. As one with an appreciation of genuine Classical music, I can quite accurately report that most of the content was enthusiastic, highly original and yet rubbish, trying too hard by the end to create a space for myself in the (very) niche genre of percussive electronic neoclassical/neofolk, with nods to classic British electroacoustic and avantgarde music of the early 1970s, and failing for a lack of competency with my chosen instruments - mainly violin, acoustic guitar and emulated keyboard 'piano', occasional zither and jaw harp, and sampled horns, bassoons, and bagpipes, and with a selection of onerous, slow-tempo drum rhythms built up by individual micromanagement of the sequencer lines, beat by beat by beat, and far too much use of a software drum machine, much as I would also fall back on found sounds and personal field recordings if needs seemed to dictate their presence - as much as too many concessions to the decadent modern world, including the steady use of primitive Africanised rhythms, and a then-fascination with dissonance and atonal composition. The only good things about this project are the lyric sets, and even then they would have functioned better if retained as their original poems.
The Eternal Mission track (as it isn't really genuine artistic music at more that a pop consumer's entartete level) was intended to function as an inspiration to the native people of the UK in their modern predicament, based on some early 20th century German inspirational poems by the likes of Kurt Eggers, addressed then of course at Germany itself during the dark period immediately after the end of the First World War. In that I think I failed, despite the seriousness of the themes and their realisation. Lesson One, inspired by the harshest of Eastern European and Middle Eastern traditional music, and hampered somewhat by multiple direct Biblical allusions, builds from that folk consciousness beginning into a full on call to (revolutionary) war.
Too 'arty' for the pop music world; too degenerate by far for any Classical listener, I had shot myself in the foot from day one, trying too hard to push against the upper boundaries of bad taste whilst still having my cake and eating it, and thus forever 'middlebrow', and mediocre. At least I'm honest about this.
Eternal Mission and Lesson One are taken from a 9-track concept album I released in February 2021 titled Nihil Novum. Though I retain some of the 58+ distinct albums still on Bandcamp (https://bleachforthestars.bandcamp.com/), realistically as 'just in case' potboilers for an undiscerning crowd more than any claim to genuine artistry, I have no interest in this ridiculous project anymore, and am glad I had the good sense to stop writing when I did.
I continue to play the violin in the background when mood and stress levels permit, forever unrecorded (as I have learned my lesson), practising instead with humility, and for pleasure alone, as it should be, with the simplified violin sheet music parts to Ode to Joy and In the Hall of the Mountain King, among some other familiar works by talented European composers.
A Totalitarian Pandemic (TLTJH Chapter 1 segment)
A key segment from the first chapter of my 'other' book, The Less Than Jolly Heretic, and the setup for the remaining videos below. I lay out the best account I can - from my own personal research perspective - of why I think the pandemic was seriously mishandled (and not for the reason those November 2025 newspaper headlines suggest).
Though I always make reference to my sources - or hope that intelligent readers can otherwise infer what was taken from where in some extended examples - I have not included footnotes in my book itself, for ease of comprehension (or, in this case, listening), much as I could easily amend a future edition with such, if needs require. I also hope it can be inferred that, much as I still think this may be very slightly underreported, despite what could be an unintentional ambiguity in one line, I am still presenting the total direct and indirect vaccine deaths tally at around 51,000 British citizens, not ten times that number. That's equivalent to the entire population of a medium-sized British town (and indeed greater than the upper limit number of Ukrainian civilians claimed by Wikipedia to have been killed during the Russo-Ukrainian War from 2014 to the present, considered in this case as acts of genocide). In general I resent 'cry wolf' claims of wildly unrealistic (and unbelievable) death numbers as they detract from what is already an avoidable tragedy. Medicines are discontinued - by standard practice - and withdrawn from the market altogether for far fewer deaths, by four orders of magnitude, and a proper official reckoning for this travesty of rushed, callous, mercantile thinking has never been commenced.
Personally, I don't think a formal apology alone is good enough, not that one has, to my knowledge, ever been issued by any government figure from any presiding party, let alone the multi-national pharmaceutical industry itself. Beyond this, there is much else to apologise for (and perhaps from among the more gullible and overzealous citizens themselves), but I simply cannot see that humbling personal decision on their parts as ever being forthcoming.
The rest of the book evaluates a linked set of topics, mostly unrelated to this initial personally-devastating example, save to acknowledge the principle that 'Big Pharma' has, by now, much blood on its hands, for more reasons than are explored in the basic analysis of this fading real-world saga of horror and mass hysteria, reasons perhaps not so obvious to the reader as the clear-as-day, covered over memory of unchecked liberal (neo-Christian) authoritarianism, capitalist dispassion, and the fierce behavioural manipulation of a fraught, uninformed, already malleable general public desperate to be observed as intelligent and conscientious experts all 'doing the right thing'.
Schism, Vol. 1: One Diary Entry
A 'tip of the iceberg' evaluation of the familiar hysteria, double standards and intrinsic pandering to recognised authority figure roles that have rendered the Family Court's decisions invariably frustrating as much as disappointing, in a not-unexpected (and hardly uncommon) perversion of justice. Faulty findings poured on faulty findings, railroading the entire case - one which ran parallel to my criminal case, and which was partially responsible for driving my partner to her despairing fury, as could be naturally expected - and all because of one livid - and very jealous - person's smooth duplicity, lies by omission, and outright falsehoods and prejudices (as well as that well-practised willingness to lie consistently under oath), knowing full-well he was far more likely to be believed on account of his position.
I wasn't invited to any of the hearings, much as a good deal of their content concerned me, and thus was never given an opportunity to defend myself, or to present contradictory evidence.
I'm not sure what the children think these days. I fear he has 'got to them' in the interim years to some degree, most pronounced in his favourite child, who is by now effectively lost to us, and a fresh new policewoman in training, laden down all of a sudden with all the right language and attitudes for that cherished modern role (when I knew her she wanted to be a hairdresser), but I still, to a weighted degree, hold out hope for the other two girls, much as the youngest seems to be following in her eldest sister's footsteps, from what I can piece together on the side. Talk about fears of 'brainwashing' them!
I will never forgive him for his cold arrogance in these acts of consistently stimulated parental alienation, speaking for more than myself.
There's a lot more I could share on this topic, and probably will eventually; a great many concrete examples of his genuine cruelty and - in my own eyes, with reference to official child protection literature - child abuse and neglect, very ironically (!), things he could not realistically wriggle out of (unless he manipulated them further, and had them all lie - a far easier job for him these days given the innocence of children, the human biological phenomenon of defensive 'attachment to the perpetrator', and the unimpeded time he's had to condition them), but for the moment I remain somewhat contained on these, knowing his attitude problem with me as much as the ease with which he could pursue reputation damages claims against his nemesis and his ex-wife, his personae non gratae, and finally a predictive speculation as to how that would - given the track record on all the rest, profoundly enervating for anyone with an amateur interest in real justice - still most likely go down in another corrupted court. How does one address a long-term crooked policeman whilst he remains fiercely ensconced in good company, a true 'pillar of the community'? I think the real answer is: they can't.
Schism, Vol. 3: Three Diary Entries
The overview evaluation (without pausing on specific anecdotal reference), of the devastating aftermath of the November 2021 arrest, in which I explain just what the impact of an allegation of 'terrorism' does to someone who knows they most certainly are not in that category. I resent the term having been spread to the mental health and social services very early on by the Metropolitan police, knowing on an awareness of human instinct - especially in our hysterical, overconcerned and 'on edge' society - what their natural response would then most likely be, feeling all hopes of legitimate due process were now sabotaged in advance. This hasty smear inevitably trickled down into all my social networks, and affected how I was viewed by all around me, who turned on me with such vehemence that, already feeling very sorrowful (not that anyone seemed to acknowledge that, or even wonder what my actual experience of all this was at all - I was never asked how I felt in this context) I cracked soon afterwards, and went thoroughly mad in grief, guilt, shame, and despair, this extended psychological breakdown always unrecognised by the mental health services, with no provisions laid on to accommodate my own psychological health throughout this vindictive fiasco, merely endless bouts of overconcern and risk assessment, me having been fitted tightly into the box their minds found most suited to their pre-existing perceptions of me.
Every time I recovered from my deteriorating extended collapse, still emotionally weak and in need of shelter and patient compassion, I was set upon again, if not from one side, then from another, and, subjected to this steady emotional attack, soon enough I cracked again, and would relapse, again and again and again, in a thoroughly hostile, suspicious and cynical environment. I cannot understand, bar to acknowledge their sole, cultish adherence to the blinkered ideological thinking of psychiatry (and indeed femicentric postmodernism), why they could not think to check this option, and see if there was anything 'behind the scenes' that was getting me to this state, beyond their assumption that it was simply a matter of drug non-adherence and faulty brain chemistry. Not once was I given an opportunity to accurately report on my home life, and the psychological impact of an already very lonely, very guilty person becoming a scapegoated pariah, and, after so many years of being unable to report on it, I suspect it is now too late to reverse this trend, the picture already built up solidly in their minds, and their assumptions too firm to dissolve, acting more realistically as their convictions against me; their endless sloppy, superficial evaluations, and selective note-taking, and no imagination to realise that, for all their 'home visits', they have barely scratched the surface.
I also talk a little about some books I enjoyed, and about some personal art projects (which I have since been forced to shelve, life having proved too painful to focus on them, especially under the incapacitating influence of strong neuroleptics), and about the unaddressed - forever officially unrecognised - grief of losing my two best friends, one at the start of 2021.
I make brief mention of an insignificant little scar near the top of my head on the right... I'm not actually sure where precisely it struck me. I only noticed the bleeding patch later, and was in no state of mind at the time to be paying close attention. To the best of my recollections, what actually set me off in late 2020 was the sheer existential horror at learning for the first time the truth of what occurred for Germany after the Second World War. No one likes to realise they've been lied to to that degree. The indescribable sorrow was palpable. Besides that, inconveniently, I also had a hard time at home, in my new house... and it's never been that easy here. The third factor was unprocessed realisations over my earlier life, things that have always haunted me; things the callous NHS refused by default to even let me speak over. The fourth was the premature grief (and by proxy despair), knowing I was going to lose my best friend, and sole male companion at the time, to a long prison sentence, which, on analysis of his actions in context, I don't think he fully deserved, much as it looked very much like a 'not guilty' was not realistically on the cards either. His valiant attempts to flee the country having failed, he killed himself before being subjected to what he too saw as an inevitable conclusion. My own four factors worked in tandem to push me towards a quite pronounced melancholia, and indeed active suicidality.
My partner has always been far more polite and accommodating to mental health staff than I have. I think that goes a long way towards understanding the sheer incredulity I would be faced with now if I tried to express something extremely obvious to the few male friends I have who know of my day to day life genuinely, but still entirely unknown to any of the official services, perhaps my own fault to some degree for not being, if it could be imagined, more forthright in opening up to them. But why be open with someone who would disbelieve you anyway, on dogma (and punish you for saying so)? My private life, agonisingly, is my own, and some people - most people perhaps? - are not always the same behind closed doors, when the 'cameras are off' and the NHS clipboards packed away; when that need for a sustained front of social politeness and decency is no longer so apparent (not that, as I say, I myself bother being in any way polite to them, those who have effectively made themselves my enemies over long years of arrogance and misery). It's a shame that has to be acknowledged at all, but these unperceptive (female/male feminist) 'care' workers are very stupid indeed.
Schism, Vol. 3: Two Letters to Friends, and a Diary Entry
More autobiographical letters and diaries from Spring 2024, all dwelling to some degree on the circumstances leading up to my November 2021 arrest by counter-terrorism (as well as some asides and curios), to really get to grips with my thought patterns at the time, and to elucidate friends. I can see, from their perspective (and this is not a compliment to them), why they acted as they did, but I still consider it a shame that they chose to at all, as the situation was rather more complicated than I think they had accounted for. When I was eventually tried, in April 2025, after over a year of delays and anxiety-bound waiting about, in some mental torment, I pleaded guilty, knowing the Terrorism Law in question did not provide a realistic opportunity to plead innocent given the cynical 'catch all' way it is written, and knowing also that my lawyer - if not my more competent, albeit psychiatrically naïve barrister - had not really grasped the case to its fullest degree and so did not have the underlying intellectual ability and depth of contextual knowledge (dare I say open-mindedness?) to defend me in planning the way I wished he could have.
I was not sent to prison, however. I think the judge took pity on me, knowing then of many of my circumstances. I am glad at least that he acted prudently in this regard, in what I am informed is a landmark case, a real anomaly in the history of Law. I just wish they had consulted a trauma-model psychologist in their evaluation of me, not deferred automatically to the authoritarian fallacies of the pseudoscientific psychiatric industry. I also wish they could have thought back to the time of the pandemic, and taken some responsibility for the atmosphere of terror the government had imposed on those who were not so quick to trust them over the efficacy and indeed safety of some evidentially flawed modern vaccine products.
There is a lot that remains unsaid and papered over from that era, and I doubt this repeat request on my part for acknowledgement of the situation's grim reality will become realistic any time soon. Perhaps history will later vindicate me, many years down the line. I was indeed remorseful that the information could have fallen into the wrong hands. I will forever wonder though if it could also have been very useful indeed in the right ones, enough to balance the difficult morality of this ethical choice in my favour, in a forever hypothetical situation that still may not have been as far off the real one as many of my official detractors would consistently wish.
Schism, Vol. 2: One Letter; One Diary Entry
One letter and one diary entry, both from late Spring 2023, the first exploring a little more of the psychological impact of the grotty, depressing local external environment outside the house - and the general 21st Century zeitgeist hanging over the UK, and indeed to some degree all of the Western world, albeit with the (empirical) knowledge that Britain is still the worst of the Western nations for this; the most unwholesome background to survive against, and the sickest society, falling fast.
I also discuss some attempts made on my life from earlier in the year, a little more descriptive analysis on my decrepit area - a vista most akin to one of social anthropologist and political scientist Edward C. Banfield's Southern Italian town studies in The Moral Basis of A Backward Society - and then my futile attempts to rouse my lackadaisical friend to spirited and pragmatic decision-making; to kindle his non-existent Lebenskraft, in helping us to address our deteriorating national situation from the perspective(s) of two seemingly powerless citizens, both just as lacking in circumstantial hope (given that we are both trapped on the same devastating island), but only one prepared to question and to plan, knowing that we have not seen anything yet in terms of a collapsing system. I also explain to him at length why I have - just as now - no interest in politics, much as I have since developed my thoughts from this rudimentary position.
Schism, Vol. 2: One Diary Entry
Another autobiographical diary entry from Autumn 2023, in which I 'review', as if for a sub-par hotel, my sectioned stay in a particularly unpleasant - and none are nice - psychiatric unit, and recount the criminally mismanaged circumstances that led to my incarceration there at all. What I have not always recounted in these entries (though I have for this one) is what drove me back into psychosis on each episodic occasion in the first place, the immediate circumstantial aetiology of the negative events occurring shortly before I begin each narrative, as it is best - and most psychologically accurate - to see each instance of psychosis as a separate, distinct occurrence (akin to periodically catching a new cold, given that there is no underlying physical pathology), albeit also apparent as a predictable trend in the long term pattern of accelerating cumulative stresses. 'Stresses' is perhaps an understatement. I am well aware of those causes, and have written about them in detail, always logging down my notes nigh-on concurrent to the events themselves (always on the same day), and will try to share them at a later date. Let's just say I get a lot of friction in my house, very much against my best wishes and efforts, and it is rarely a safe, relaxing, therapeutic recovery space for me.
Schism, Vol. 2: Letters to My Lawyer
Four examples from the many increasingly impassioned letters I sent to my state-hired legal aid lawyer, Paul, who effectively ignored them - never utilising their contents in the planning of my defence - and certainly never acknowledged anything contained within to me in any of his curt, standoffish 'update' replies. Materials which I feel personally would have provided a much stronger case in my favour. As of the present, the police's fallacious and misleading 'errors', bordering on resentful political defamation, have never been officially highlighted to them, by him or anyone else in his profession, and in the meantime have been used in a myriad devastating risk assessment reports by social and medical services to further punish me with their zealous vindication that I am in some way a legitimate terror case; in some way a terrible danger.
The 'solution' of my trial was to be retained by force on a prescription for 400mg of extremely debilitating (and fundamentally worthless) neuroleptics via a Court Order that extends for over 3 years - enough time for this toxic 'medication' to wreak significant physical and cognitive damage, often irreversible. Very much not the psychological healing I so desperately required then (and require still), all present seemingly ignorant of the real reasons behind my dismay, reasons that Paul could easily have put to my barrister, and, at core, the truth of the matter, but yet chose instead to gatekeep (and gaslight) me over, setting back my psychological recovery by some years, and generally patronising me to holy hell in his pompous, dismissive manner, to the point that I seriously wish now I had had the sense and confidence (as I threatened to him in writing at one point) to contact the ombudsman and have him officially investigated, knowing his arrogance over my vital - otherwise buried - perspectives had done a great deal in my disservice.
Schism, Vol. 4: Various Letter Excerpts
Some shortened letters from early Spring 2025 in which I expose more of the galling (and very manipulative) treatment to which the children were subjected. I'm not sure how they themselves reflect on all this historical knowledge of poor treatment at his hands, or if they even consciously acknowledge it at all and have not simply repressed it, or out of natural fear of his reactions and loyalty to him, or simply through not remembering anything different to compare it with, as I am banned from contacting them, but they still 'report' to Abby periodically, always on the sly, given that he tightly polices their personal freedom to contact us (and indeed seems to want to firmly dissuade them from doing so at all - in direct opposition to the decisions of even the corrupt Family Court), and so slowly, over long months and years, I build up a picture anyway.
I also discuss my disappointments and natural anxieties regarding the final lead up to the sentencing, share some more content on my ill-fated attempts to promote the - I think vital - lessons of my life story (via the medium of my psychiatric 'survivor' autobiography, Consumption) to various online academics and mental health advocacy sites, remarking on their strange, politicised closed-mindedness - and blunt cowardice - over examining the true aetiology of schizophrenic disorders, a hesitation not present in former, braver researchers of previous generations, and, finally, mull over the real reason behind the loss of my teeth, ending with a brief acknowledgment that, for the reasons outlined (as well as some other reasons), I find modern 'white' people very disappointing, so low in ethical (and cultural) tone, and so lacking as they are in any genuinely impartial in-group loyalty.
Schism, Vol. 1: Diary Entries (+ Vol. 4: Letter Segment)
A brief recap on a spurious 'incident' occurring shortly after my partner's ex-husband made his move to remove the children from our care, one which I think displays his pompous cruelty down to a T. I was bemused as much as horrified by their gross overreaction to what remained a tasteless action, but one certainly not unexpected or unusual given the circumstances. Where does the 'blame' lie, do we feel? I see the school doesn't seem to reflect on these matters either. I think it's grossly inappropriate what they teach them, but simply because they are conditioning them to rate non-procreative, racially suicidal hedonism above the sanctity of new European life (the purpose of coupling at all), not out of a personal Christianised revulsion at sexual matters on my part, much as I also consider them somewhat too young to know. I feel it should be down to parents, not the school, to teach them.
The second part of my video criticises the 'Pagan revival' archaeogenetics crowd at a metaphysical level, and on the ethical matter of unnecessary suffering, suggesting they might as well be hippie neo-pagans (and there's much more I could have added on one of them!), much as my real academic problems with these genetics obsessives lie more in an understanding that, for reasons of envious anti-Nordicism, they completely dismiss and avoid all true reference to Mendelian genetics and refuse to acknowledge the primacy of physical anthropology, a far more natural way of understanding racial categories (one which can be observed empirically with the naked eye), given that "Phenotype is not magically encoded but by genetics. Therefore, a difference in phenotype means a difference in genetic makeup. So the claim by many anti-Nordicists that people with different phenotypes are genetically identical is either a deliberate lie or the result of mild mental retardation. One could argue that perhaps factors other than genes are responsible for the phenotypic differences. But then what this would tell us is that these genes are very important, not that they are meaningless as our enemies want to present them."
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I covered this matter in Chapter Eight of my own book (TLTJH - you'll find the Text-to-Speech preview above), but to give further weight to this position, as my friend writes didactically in some condensed segments drawn by me from his long essay titled Anti-Nordicism:
"Some people would try to say that this definition of race is discredited because darker people can carry Nordic traits recessively and produce offspring with some Nordic traits, thus breaking the criterion of ‘producing only their kind’. But only people who have at least some Nordic admixture can do this, not purebred specimens of any race. Using the Evropa Soberana classification, pure Mongolids or pure Armenids will never bring Nordic-looking children into the world, and also for a Nordic couple, as already specified above, it is biologically impossible to have children with dark features that clearly show that they are a race of their own.
Many of the anti-Nordicists are not even familiar with basic Mendelian genetics. What most of them want is to replace racial anthropology with archaeogenetics: the ancestry of ancient populations such as the hunter-gatherers (whether Western Eastern or otherwise) Yamnaya and early European farmers. In his book, David Reich, the leading authority on the subject, says: ‘Although the great majority of scientists are focused on the biological information that is contained within the genes, there are also occasional differences between DNA sequences. These differences are due to random errors in copying of genomes known as mutations that occurred at some point in the past. It is these differences occurring around one every thousands or so in both genes and in junk that geneticists study to learn about the past’.
Since the methodology does not deal with what genes code for, racially (phenotypically) identical populations could be classified as different, and this is very important for their ‘everybody is mixed’ agenda: ‘We now know that nearly every group living today is the product of repeated populations mixtures that have occurred over thousands and tens of thousands of years. Mixing is in human nature, and no population is—or could be—pure’, writes Reich. This is the man who provides the genetic data to the so-called racists and neo-Nazis who oppose Nordicism.
Reich also mentions in Who We Are and How we Got Here that our methods of classification are not good enough because physical traits can be influenced by environment and diet. When we analyse this carefully, we find that he does not have any solid argument against us and it can be deduced that he is secretly aware of being wrong on this point. From the fact that environment and diet can have some effect on a person’s physical features, it seems to follow, in his logic, that this can make someone look like another race. Better food may make one bigger and taller, and bad habits may make one look uglier, but no diet will make the light features of one race resemble the features of another race.
No diet will make the blond hair dark, the long skull round, the high bridge nose flat, and so on. Physical characteristics are about as reliable as you can get, especially when we are talking about examining purebred specimens, and we are only interested in purebred specimens.
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According to Reich and his team, all early Europeans were mostly brown and today’s Europeans are mixtures of these various dark races. There is plenty of room for tricks and dishonesty to be exploited by Reich and his people. For example, a professional can easily select fossil remains for testing. In reality, the only thing his findings prove is that there have been mixed types in Europe even in the Neolithic. It does not prove that all early Europeans were dark, nor that the Norse did not exist.
They say that what we know today as Nordic did not really exist until the Bronze Age, and that all Europeans are descended exclusively from people of mixed Arab and Indian appearance. At this point, one would have to be brainless not to see the point of all this: to destroy the racial pride and identity of the Nordic people. The usual suspects are David Reich and his followers. Reich wrote: ‘The fusion of these highly different populations into today’s West Eurasians is vividly evident in what might be considered the classic northern European look: blue eyes, light skin, and blond hair. Analysis of ancient DNA data shows that western European hunter gatherers around eight thousand years ago had blue eyes but dark skin and dark hair, a combination that is rare today. The first farmers of Europe mostly had light skin but dark hair and brown eyes’.
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Reich goes on to say that the blond hair came from another northern Eurasian population that was also racially different from the previous two, so yes, the Nordic people are a product of racial mixing. In Who We Are and How we Got Here he continues: ‘The ancient DNA revolution has shown that today’s classifications do not reflect fundamental “pure” units of biology. Instead, today’s divisions are recent phenomena, with their origin in repeating mixtures and migrations. The findings of the ancient DNA revolution suggest that the mixtures will continue. Mixture is fundamental to who we are, and we need to embrace it, not deny that it occurred.’
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To counter this let’s look at the skull of a Cro-Magnon man, which is a race that occupied the European continent possibly as far back as 56,800 years ago.
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If we look at the skull we see essentially Nordic features: dolichocephalism, not quite vertical forehead, square jaw, sharp and pronounced chin, narrow nose with a high bridge and tall stature.
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Reich only deals with the pigmentation of northern Europeans and does not mention the equally unique combination of facial features, stature and skull shape that also characterises them. We can assume that these would also be explained in the same way if this is how the population in question was formed, i.e., a gradual racial mixing that ended sometime in the early Bronze Age. Now, isn’t it strange that in Europe we have evidence of people with almost the same physical traits for over 50,000 years?
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Anti-Nordicists never realise this because they don’t know how to analyse physical traits and don’t believe in physical trait analysis. For them, there is nothing to connect tall stature or certain facial features with light pigmentation. But they are connected, just as the facial features of various African races are connected to their dark pigmentation.
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It is also interesting how many anti-Nordicists do not believe that one should be sceptical of David Reich because he is a trustworthy person for them. They assume a kind of conspiracy by the Nordics to oppress non-Nordics. They even show stubborn scepticism when confronted with direct first-hand evidence from writers about ancient Greeks or Romans who were blond."
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